How to talk to your family and friends about becoming a foster parent

I want to become a foster parent—what’s next?

Everyone can apply to foster, whether single or in a relationship, providing that you are over 21, have a suitable spare room in your home, the right to work in the UK and have the right personal qualities.

If you’re thinking of becoming a foster parent, it’s important to discuss your decision with the important people in your life. Talking to your loved about fostering for the first time can seem a little daunting; perhaps you’re worried that your partner might dismiss the idea straight away, or that your friends, parents or grown-up children may question your choice.

Challenging common misconceptions about fostering

When you first talk to your extended family and friends about your dream to foster, you may not get the enthusiastic reaction you would hope for. If this happens, try not to take it to heart. There are lots of myths and stereotypes around fostering, which can be dispelled with a friendly, informative chat.

Questions and concerns often come from a place of care, not judgement. Let’s take a look at some of the common misconceptions people may have when you express your interest in fostering, and ways you can put their mind at ease.

"How will you support yourself financially with a foster child at home?”

Contrary to what people sometimes believe, every foster parent in the UK is paid for their good work. Here at Fostering People we offer a generous allowance to cover the needs of the child you’ll care for, with a secondary payment for you as a thank you for your hard work.

Learn how much you could earn while fostering by trying out our fostering finances calculator.

“I’ve heard that children who need foster homes are badly behaved.”

This is a painful and harmful stereotype which is sadly very prevalent in our society. No two children are the same, and like any other child, children who have experienced the care system need love, care and a safe home to thrive and reach their full potential.

As a foster parent, it will be your job to fulfil these needs, and you’ll have the unique privilege of helping to transform children’s lives. Many children in foster care will have experienced trauma as a result of their early experiences, none of which are their fault. To help you to help the children in your care, we’ll ensure that you receive extensive trauma-informed training and support to help you be the best foster parent you can be.

“Aren’t you worried what sort of an impact fostering might have on your biological children?”

Some loved ones may worry that fostering might be disruptive to your own children. They may worry that your own children will get less of your attention, or that having other children moving in and out of the home will upset their sense of stability. While fostering won’t be right for every child, welcoming a foster sibling can have lots of benefits for children, including helping them to learn important values such as sharing, empathy and resilience, and giving them chance to build lifelong relationships with their foster siblings.

While it’s natural for friends and family to be concerned about how fostering might change your family dynamics, it’s up to you as a parent to decide if your little ones are ready to become part of a fostering family. You know your child best, and in making the decision to become a foster parent, you must put their needs first.

“Won’t it be too much for you, fostering as a single person?”

Many people foster while single, and thrive while doing so. 1/3 of our foster parents here at Fostering People are single, but that doesn’t mean that they are fostering alone. We ensure that our single foster parents benefit from a huge range of tailored training and support.

There are plenty of benefits to fostering as a single person, including being able to provide a child with your undivided attention. This can be invaluable for children who need extra support and guidance to thrive, as you become their trusted pillar of support. A strong network of support from friends and family is vital for single foster parents; the support of your loved ones will be invaluable as you make your first steps towards becoming a single foster parent.

Tips for starting a conversation about fostering with your partner

When you’re in a relationship, deciding to foster is one of the biggest decisions you can make with your partner. All different types of couples can foster, regardless of marital status, gender identity or sexuality.

To foster as a couple who live together, you’ll both need to be on the same page about fostering. Fostering is a challenging journey at times, and you will need your partner fully on board to succeed. Here are some tips on how to start the conversation about fostering.

• Choose the right time. Before approaching the topic of fostering with your loved one, consider your personal circumstances and ask yourself if you are in the right place as a couple to be taking on the responsibility of fostering a child. If you’ve only recently become a couple or if you have recently had a baby, it might not be the right time for you jump in head-first and begin your fostering journey. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t start the discussion about becoming foster parents together in the future!
• Do your research. Before bringing up the topic of fostering with your partner, do lots of research into fostering so that you’re equipped to answer any questions they may have. Take the time to learn about the different types of foster care, finances for foster parents and the different roles and responsibilities you’ll take on as foster parents. Ready to start learning? Check out our blog for foster parents or download our guide to fostering for beginners.
• Choose the right environment to have the conversation. Just as you would with any big discussion, choose a quiet and private moment to bring up the topic of fostering with your partner. Approach the topic with curiosity; rather than diving in head-first and telling them that you’re committed to making this huge life change, ask them what they think about fostering as a whole, and if they’ve ever considered it for themselves. You could spark further conversation by watching a documentary about fostering together.
• Listen to their concerns and discuss how your life together as foster parents might look.

  As well as the common stereotypes about fostering which we’ve discussed, there are plenty of valid concerns your partner may bring up when you’re discussing fostering for the first time; after all, fostering is a huge commitment, and shouldn’t be taken on lightly.

  Be sure that they understand that fostering is something you’ll need to do together— even if one of you takes on the bulk of care responsibilities, they will still need to be a fully present parent to the child you welcome into your home, just as they would with their own child.

  It’s important that you and your partner discuss the practicalities of how you’ll live and work as foster parents, such as how you’ll split responsibilities, if you’ll continue to work outside of the home, how fostering will fit in with your own children’s needs and other commitments, and the sacrifices you’ll have to make in order to foster.

• Suggest taking part in a home visit.

  After you enquire with our team who will help you determine your eligibility, the next stage of the fostering application process is a home visit. If your partner is open to learning more about fostering, ask them if they’d be open to a visit. Ensure that they know there’s no commitment at this stage, and the visit is about learning more about if fostering is right for you as a family, and if you’re a good fit for fostering.

  During this visit, a member of our team will take a look around your home and sit down with you as a couple to discuss the ins and outs of fostering and answer any of your questions. You can also have a virtual visit if this would suit your needs better.