Playful Parenting: Putting P.A.C.E Strategies into Action

Here at Fostering People we utilise the P.A.C.E parenting model, a trauma-informed parenting approach comprised of four key characteristics which you can use to help children navigate their emotions; playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. 

Let’s take a look at the first P.A.C.E strategy in a little more detail and discover how you can start incorporating playful parenting tips into day-to-day life with your foster child. 

The importance of play

Play is not just about having fun; it’s a crucial part of every child’s development and is seen across many species. As Professor Carla Rinaldi said, “Play and learning are like the two wings of a butterfly— one cannot exist without the other.” In humans, play supports us to understand the world around us, make new social connections and develop key skills such as fine motor skills and executive function. Different styles of play, such as imaginative play and rule-based games, help children’s development in different areas. 

Playfulness in P.A.C.E

Being playful in your parenting style isn’t about being happy and positive all the time, and it certainly isn’t about joking around when a child is upset or teasing them. Instead, playful parenting aims to create a light and positive atmosphere where your child feels free to be completely themselves and where they know that they are safe. Dr. Dan Hughes, the founder of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy and the P.A.C.E model, defines playfulness in parenting as:

“It’s about enjoying the relationship. That’s where the ‘P’ in P.A.C.E really manifests itself. The playfulness is an enjoyment of the child in the relationship.”

Being playful with your children shows them that you are comfortable and relaxed in their presence, and that you enjoy being around them. Having an adult who truly engages can be life-changing in helping a child to heal from trauma and begin building deep, healthy connections with the people in their lives. 

Let’s explore some playful P.A.C.E strategies which can help you to foster therapeutically. 

3 Playful P.A.C.E strategies for young children

1. Use a light and friendly communication style. Taking a gentle, friendly approach to daily life can help your little ones to feel at ease. Use a gentle tone of voice and get down onto their level when speaking with them. Be mindful of your facial expressions and body language; things like frowning or having your arms crossed may make you appear threatening. Don’t be afraid to be silly, which can diffuse tension and provide plenty of opportunities for fun and laughter together. Try to keep your interactions positive and fun wherever appropriate, and use active listening techniques such as reflecting back what has been said to you and asking open questions to get the most out of your chats together.
2. Take joy in the world around you. Show your child that the world can be a safe and welcoming place for them by taking the time to highlight the wonderful things which we can easily take for granted, by finding fun in the mundane. A bit of imagination and a playful spirit can transform even something as everyday as the school run; perhaps you could challenge your little one to listen out for birds and see who’s best at imitating their calls, or bring their wellies along at pick up time so that you can enjoy splashing in puddles together on the walk home! 
3. Use play to explore emotions. For some children who have experienced trauma, putting a name to emotions and empathising with others can be challenging. One great way to help teach these skills is through imaginative play. This could be by roleplaying scenarios with toys during playtime, or by pausing while reading a story book to talk about how the characters are feeling. 

You can also utilise this technique when watching TV or YouTube together by reflecting on character interactions at the end of an episode. For example, in this adorable scene from the popular cartoon Bluey, Bluey and her younger sister spend so much time squabbling over not wanting to share their desserts that their delicious ice-creams melt in the sun. By asking open questions such as, ‘how do you think Bluey felt when she saw that her ice cream had melted?’ or ‘why do you think Bluey’s dad decided to share his own ice cream?’ you can help your little one to start naming emotions and build empathy skills.

3 Playful parenting strategies for older children and teenagers

Though being playful may look different for older children, it’s just as important. Let’s look at 3 playful parenting strategies which work great for older kids. 

1. Find a hobby which you can share. Whether it’s gaming nights, cooking together or a shared love of sport, shared hobbies are great for building bonds. Try to find a hobby which prioritises your teen’s interests over your own, and don’t be afraid to try something new— maybe they would love for you to help them create a home-made costume to show off at a comic con, or would love to see you get involved in another unusual activity like roller-derby or Geocaching!

   Showing your young person that you really care about their interests by trying something new and getting a little out of your comfort zone can really help the two of you to bond. Keep things friendly if you’re doing something competitive.  Remember that your focus should always be on enjoying the process together rather than trying to be the best at a sport or having a perfect end product with creative hobbies like art or baking. Volunteering together in your community is also a fantastic way to help others while helping your teen to build confidence, social skills and empathy.

2. Get your teen involved and ‘gamify’ everyday tasks. Getting your young person involved in suitable household tasks is a great opportunity to spend time together while teaching them the skills they’ll need to become independent and responsible adults. Asking your teenager to help out also shows them that they’re a valued member of your family with a part to play. 

   Even mundane tasks can be tuned into great opportunities to bond when we sprinkle in a little playfulness. You can incorporate playfulness in a myriad of different ways during everyday chores and interactions, such as by turning on some music you both love to sing along to while washing up or by starting a water fight while washing the car together on a sunny day. Learn more about how to build a strong bond with the teens in your care. 

3. Allow them to be children. Remember, though it’s easy to forget at times, our teenagers are still children. Some children may need time and encouragement to behave like children again if they have experienced Parentification. They may also at times act much younger than you might expect. If you spot behaviours in your teen which seem unusual for their age, these may be a result of how trauma has influenced their maturation and brain development.

   Rather than berating them by demanding that they ‘act their age,’ it’s important to recognise that they may be at a different level developmentally and may need a different approach to support. Many children who have experience of being in care have also missed out on much of the fun and freedom of childhood, so make an effort to encourage them to express themselves and act childlike where appropriate and join in with their joy. 

Playful parenting resources

Can’t get enough of our playful parenting tips? Check out some of our recommended resources below for more ideas on how you can incorporate playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy into your families’ everyday life. 

• ‘The P in P.A.C.E,’ a brilliant article by Dr Chris Moore, educational psychologist
• Our blog on understanding the unseen effects of childhood trauma
• Dr Dan Hughes’ website, where you can learn more about playful parenting directly from the creator of P.A.C.E
• Watch the still face experiment, which shows just how much of an impact play has on parent and child interactions
• This article from The Marbles Kids Museum, which suggests a bunch of fun and playful parenting strategies for kids of all ages

Applying P.A.C.E in daily life

Using the P.A.C.E approach helps to teach your foster child that you are an adult to be relied upon, who cares deeply about their wellbeing and emotions and who will be there to support them through whatever challenges they may face. You’ll learn more about the 4 P.A.C.E strategies during your training with us as we prepare you to become a new foster parent.

Ready to learn more about what it takes to become a foster parent? Our team here at Fostering People would love to hear from you. Enquire with us today to get started on your journey towards changing the lives of children or learn more about the support we offer to our foster parents.