Should I tell my school friends about my foster family?

The importance of good friends

When there are big changes in your home life, having good friends who understand what you’re going through can make all the difference to how you feel. We’ve put together some tips on how to tell your friends that you’re living with a foster family.

Do I have to tell anyone that I’m living with a foster family?

Some adults in your life will need to know that you’re living with a foster family, including your teachers and social workers. However, they’ll keep this private, so it’s up to you if you tell anyone else like friends, classmates, coaches or neighbours.

Some young people feel proud and find it empowering to be part of a foster family, whereas others prefer for their story to be kept private. However you feel, it’s perfectly ok to:

• Be very private about your experiences
• Only tell a special friend or a few close friends about your home life
• Be open and confident about your foster family with everyone you know

It’s ok to have worries

It’s very common for young people to decide to keep their home life private. This could be for lots of reasons— maybe you’re worried that people might treat you differently if they knew you are living with a foster family, that you might stand out, or that you might experience bullying at school. Remember, you should always speak with a trusted adult or get in touch with the helpful advisors at Childline if you experience bullying.

It’s ok if you decide to keep things about your life outside of school private. Don’t feel like you’re hiding a secret from your friends if you’re not yet ready to share. Just know that when you do decide to share your story, the people in your life will be there to support and celebrate you.

Talk to the people you trust

You might decide that you only want to tell a close friend or two about living with a foster family. It feels good to talk things through with people who care about you, and by sharing what’s happening at home with a trusted friend they’ll be able to support you better.

If you decide that you don’t want everyone at your school, youth club or sports club knowing about your home life, be sure to tell your friend that you want them to keep what you tell them private. A good friend will never share this sensitive information about your life and your story without your consent.

Share at the right time for you

It’s normal to be anxious when sharing something so personal. Find a quiet, calm place when you’re ready to talk about your foster family. If you’re somewhere busy, like the school cafeteria or in class, be aware that people might overhear what you say. Instead, it’s a good idea to choose somewhere relaxing where you can have privacy, like while walking to school or while spending time together at the weekend.

You choose what to share

When you tell someone about your foster family, they might be curious and want to ask questions. Remember, you don’t have to tell them the reason why you’re living with your foster family. However much you choose to share is up to you, and any good friend will respect your boundaries.

Your life story belongs to you, and only you have the right to share it. If someone asks a question which you’re not comfortable with answering, you could say something like, ‘I’m not comfortable with talking about that right now,’ or ‘I’ve decided not to talk about that to respect my family’s privacy.’ Don’t feel pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with.

Be proud of who you are

Remember that whether or not you choose to tell people about your home life, there is no shame around being looked after by a different family. Spending time living with a foster family is part of your story, but it doesn’t define you. What defines you are your amazing personal qualities, like being funny, kind, and being a good friend.

We hope that these tips have given you some ideas about how to share your experiences with friends.

Want to learn more? Check out more blogs from our KidsZone.